Big Love, or Get Over It, I Support Polygamy.

I think that my brain just exploded. Or maybe imploded. I'm not sure which description would be better suited to my current fundamental paradoxical confusion.

I'm a curious girl by nature. Not in what would happen if I put the hamster in the microwave kind of curious, sort of way, but more of a what the hell are all these people thinking and what is up with that chicks hat and why is my little toe itching, sort of way.

I also wonder why we have hair on our sphincters. Go visual on that...I dare ya.

Anyway...

Once upon a time a long time ago, I had become exposed to Big Love at a friend’s house that had HBO. I don’t have HBO. I also cry and fuss and whine and genuinely act like a toddler when it comes to getting cable, which would only be an additional five bucks to my already overpriced internet cable bill. But, that five bucks wouldn't even give me HBO. So fuck it already and give me a damned cookie to shut me up.

I came upon a DVD set of the first season and watched it in its entirety. At the expense of grocery shopping, feeding the pets family, and personal grooming I'm sure. Partway through watching the first season I received season two on DVD. Until the last episode...I never watch the last episode until I have a follow-up episode available. Those cliffhangers man...they keep me awake at night.

If you were unable to decide my freakiness factor before now...well, there's your confirmation.

You're welcome.

I haven't been watching anything lately, because I've been attending NetA (Netflix Anonymous)...which is a complete and utter lie. I haven't been watching anything because frankly there is nothing worth watching. Sure, sure, they throw me a Downton Abbey every now and then, but other than that I have been screwed. Not to mention that, for the last few weeks all I have been subjected to is an unmitigated amount of stress in my work and  I have become so accustomed to wearing mental earplugs in that I think I'm losing my hearing and can't hear a word anyone says to me.

Tangent...

Holy shit get to the point!

I should explain my fascination with Big Love.

I am a big supporter of polygamy. I come from a large family of Mormons, of which, I’m not Mormon. I love Utah. I have a large clan of friends live in Utah. Big Love is a show based in Utah. Which is complete and total crap, because the show is filmed on a movie set in some lovely location in California, and they send some poor schmuck here to film snippets to give us Utah folks a frame or two to go "I know where the hell that is!” Not real.

The premise of the show is based on a character and his three wives and their children, and the fact that they live in three side-by-side houses and believe that they are fooling anyone.

Dream on.

I have several complaints about this simple premise:

--No one in any Mormon based neighborhood can mind their own business long enough, not to have figured that shit out in about 2 seconds. I know that housewives women in general tend to be gossipy by nature, but come on!? Anyone with 2 eyes and 3 brain cells would be slightly suspicious about three families moving in next door to each other at exactly the same time...not to mention, when one of them is wearing a neon flashing sign on her noggin that screams "POLYGAMIST!" Since her father is such a high powered, highly visible public polygamist.

--Their kids go to school. There are no polygamist secrets in schools, especially grade school. Have you ever had a phone call from school about something you didn’t want to go public? I have. Kids talk. 

--The show is situationally based in Utah. I realize logistics and the magic of movie and television production is appearance, but seriously. Utah has four seasons, and often ALL four of those seasons will present themselves in the same damn week. If you, as a producer are going to produce a show based in Utah, and reference, oh, say, Christmas, DO NOT SHOW A SCENE IN WHICH THERE IS GREEN GRASS, A CLEAN POOL, AND DRY GROUND. On that note, these characters never wear coats. And I believe that one of them was planting grass before Easter. Not happening. 

--My final complaint would actually make the entire show somewhat redundant. Should I, with my 2 eyes and 3 brain cells, figure out that my three neighbors were part of a polygamist lifestyle...well, I hate to say this, and it might come as a complete and total surprise to everyone, but...

I WOULDN'T GIVE A SHIT.

Seriously, not in the least. No authorities would be called. No lawsuits would be filed. No eggs would be thrown at houses. I wouldn't even call the Better Business Bureau and complain that my local home improvement store owner/operator was insane enough to not only have three wives, but three houses to go along with them as well. I wouldn't contact the homeowners association. I wouldn't even call the newspaper.

I would not care. As a matter of fact, I would probably go out of my way to befriend them, just so that I could ask them a million questions about their lifestyle. I would also be willing to sit on their front porch with a shotgun for when those blasted Juniper Creek in-laws show up. Cause I am a giver that way. That and I’m a damned good shot.

Anyway, what started this whole brain fart thought process was the fact that I was surfing the net looking for info on the third season of Big Love and I stumbled upon Margenes blog. Yes, one of the characters has a blog. Is this common? Have I been missing out on checking out the thoughts of my favorite fictitious people? Can fictitious people have thoughts? If just the mere fact that a fictitious character has a working blog, I was further thrown into orbit by the comments that were left in regards to said fictitious polygamist blogger.

I have missed the boat.

Clearly.


*Just to be perfectly clear here. I don't care about lifestyles practiced by consenting adults. I DO have HUGE issues with marrying off tween girls to pervy old men. That is not something practiced by all polygamists...just the ones we get to see in the papers. For obvious reasons.