Sometimes things go to shit in order to get you where you
need to go.
It takes you to strange places, even scary places, and it forces you to face your past. People and situations arise that can only force you to stop for a second and have a good head scratching. You find happiness where you weren't even looking.
Over the last month I have had to reevaluate the value of the people in my life. Some for the worse and some for better than I could have hoped. Some don't care about the damage they're doing, some don't even try anything, and some come in from the cold and make you feel like it's all worth it.
People surprise you.
I'm finally seeing things clearly for the first time in months, and years. Many years.
This past year, well it's been a ride for sure, and I'm still not convinced that the Wild Mouse isn't going to fly off the tracks. As a matter of fact, I feel a bit like I'm stuck on the ride. I want to run away for a weekend and be free of the demands of people who seem to want to kill each other one moment and are perfectly fine the next. I'm sick of being in the middle of people who can't seem to even try and play nice.
Remember how long I looked for a job, before I found this one? How it was nothing short of a miracle? It happens to be with three people I love working with, (the rest, well, meh) and I enjoy the variety of duties. Too bad it's owner thinks giving me a cut in hours is a punishment. It's an escape...and I don't know about you, but it seems a bit dysfunctional to want to go to work in order to get some peace. Especially when you're dealing with taxes and accounting stuff. Two things I hate with a plu perfect passion.
I have a lot planned this year and the next few months will be a test of wills, and I have no idea how it will pan out. I have choices before me that are so appealing, and choices that will inevitably alter the direction of my life. I like the promise of that.
I always try to listen to my heart. If my head took over all the time, well then, I'd be in some serious shit.
We can try to do the things that are "right", but sometimes it takes a tale-spin to knock you on your ass and help you figure out that comfortably numb is not the way to go. Why do we choose to be unhappy? Is it easier to go on hoping things will change for the better? When does a bump in the road become a sinkhole?
The last two weeks have given me a glimpse into a future that is uncertain but positive. Many people are going to suffer and fight...but the one thing I am sure of right now is, I'm done hurting. I'm done playing Ms. Passive-Aggressive in order to appease people who ultimately don't seem to care.
I'm sick of false promises.
It's time for proof.
It takes you to strange places, even scary places, and it forces you to face your past. People and situations arise that can only force you to stop for a second and have a good head scratching. You find happiness where you weren't even looking.
Over the last month I have had to reevaluate the value of the people in my life. Some for the worse and some for better than I could have hoped. Some don't care about the damage they're doing, some don't even try anything, and some come in from the cold and make you feel like it's all worth it.
People surprise you.
I'm finally seeing things clearly for the first time in months, and years. Many years.
This past year, well it's been a ride for sure, and I'm still not convinced that the Wild Mouse isn't going to fly off the tracks. As a matter of fact, I feel a bit like I'm stuck on the ride. I want to run away for a weekend and be free of the demands of people who seem to want to kill each other one moment and are perfectly fine the next. I'm sick of being in the middle of people who can't seem to even try and play nice.
Remember how long I looked for a job, before I found this one? How it was nothing short of a miracle? It happens to be with three people I love working with, (the rest, well, meh) and I enjoy the variety of duties. Too bad it's owner thinks giving me a cut in hours is a punishment. It's an escape...and I don't know about you, but it seems a bit dysfunctional to want to go to work in order to get some peace. Especially when you're dealing with taxes and accounting stuff. Two things I hate with a plu perfect passion.
I have a lot planned this year and the next few months will be a test of wills, and I have no idea how it will pan out. I have choices before me that are so appealing, and choices that will inevitably alter the direction of my life. I like the promise of that.
I always try to listen to my heart. If my head took over all the time, well then, I'd be in some serious shit.
We can try to do the things that are "right", but sometimes it takes a tale-spin to knock you on your ass and help you figure out that comfortably numb is not the way to go. Why do we choose to be unhappy? Is it easier to go on hoping things will change for the better? When does a bump in the road become a sinkhole?
The last two weeks have given me a glimpse into a future that is uncertain but positive. Many people are going to suffer and fight...but the one thing I am sure of right now is, I'm done hurting. I'm done playing Ms. Passive-Aggressive in order to appease people who ultimately don't seem to care.
I'm sick of false promises.
It's time for proof.
No comments:
Post a Comment