Friday Ramblings

Most folks learn from their mistakes. Maybe not the first or the second time, but eventually most people get it after a while. I usually get it the first time around, sometimes it takes a second attempt, a third...tops.

I over think things, I tend to make them so much more difficult than they need to be. Maybe that's why the phrase it is what it is makes me insane.

I just think that there must be more.

Over the last few months I've learned an insane amount of things. Most of these things are relevant to the last year, but many items pertain to seemingly unrelated events occurring over the last 20 years.

That's a long time to be chewing on an issue...or a hundred of them.

Here is the short list of some of the things that I've learned:

People are people. Yep, Depeche Mode sang it, and for you kiddies who know the song...well, you should be stuck with the loop in your head for the next little while. My earworm gift to you. You're welcome. What I'm getting at, because I do have a point here, is that people surprise you. They disappoint, help, hurt, hinder, make you smile, and sometimes all it takes is a text to let you know that someone out there is thinking about you. Humanity saves us from human nature. So, if you haven't reached out to someone lately, get on that.

I love you. It's never wrong. My son tells me that he loves me when he leaves the room, if I accomplish nothing more in this life, I will have that. Why people fear these three words is beyond me. I would bet that 90% of my friends have heard these three words from me, and 100% of my family has. If you're afraid to say it, I have to wonder why. What's your definition of love? To me, it means giving up your weekend to help your friend move, going out of your way to spend time with people, answering the call at four in the morning, and a million other small sacrifices that add up. Yeah, you want to sit around watching T.V. all weekend, but more than likely the lunch date with your friend will do you both some good. If you love someone, let them know by your actions and your words because that opportunity can be snatched away easier than you think.

I've been in denial. For the 3 months that my brother had cancer, I consciously knew that he was not going to make it through. So why is it, as I stood by his grave staring at his casket, that I was just so incredibly stunned and raw? Why is it that I could give a dry eyed eulogy and yet a little over two years later and I still can’t cry? Why is it that I felt my world shift so far off its axle that I couldn't breathe when my grandfather died in 2006?

I really, really hate to cry. Although I don't consider crying a sign of weakness in general, I do feel like it comes at the most inopportune times. Like when you're discussing sensitive issues with a man, to start crying only comes across as an attempt at manipulation. Which some women do, and some don't. I belong in the “don’t” camp. I feel weak and vulnerable when I cry, and question my own credibility...so I can only imagine what's going on in the head of the flabbergasted confused guy sitting by me.

We are very primal beings. Every action we make is based on a primitive urge. All of those actions come down to one thing, protecting our asses and staying entrenched in our own comfort zones.  Sometimes what we fight to protect is our own unhappiness, and why would we protect that?? Because change is hard, and change threatens the primitive urge to protect what we have...and it goes around and around and around.

Change can be a good thing though. Getting divorced from my first husband was one of the most drastic and profound changes in my life. And let me tell you, he reads this blog and he’ll tell you that it’s the truth. He’ll tell you that I’m happier and weirder than I’ve ever been before. He’ll also tell you that not all change is good as he is now on major anxiety meds, blood pressure meds and heart meds. His mother will tell you that it’s a broken heart causing his symptoms. I argue with her about that, because he has remarried.

I am not a mechanic. But it's fun to watch me try. I’ve replaced an alternator, a fuel line, brakes, EGR sensor, radiator, windshield wipers, hoses of every kind and my favorite, a motor.  I think I'll stick to changing fuses and gassing up.

Work is stressing me out. I can’t go into a lot of detail, but it aggravates my heartburn something fierce. I wonder daily whether or not I’m going to show up to a “Closed” sign on the door.

I need to go to Key West. Need is defined by Merriam Webster as:

¹need

 noun \ˈnēd\

: a situation in which someone or something must do

 or have something

: something that a person must have : something that

 is needed in order to live or succeed or be happy

: a strong feeling that you must have or do something

So, in order to be happy, I NEED to go to Key West. I have a strong feeling that I must go to Key West. I must have this trip. So, yes, I do “need” this trip in October. However if the Gods and Goddesses smiled down on us and an event happened to where we could move to Key West, then well, I’d be grateful for that too. There’s something about breakfast at Blue Heaven with the chickens scratching the ground around you, which makes a person homesick. Well, that and I need to visit Keith.

Life is uncertain. What is today may not be tomorrow. What you think you know, will be altered at some point in time. Even the darkest days of our lives bring good things. Sometimes life has to issue a huge wake-up call in order for us to realize that we've been living in piles of chaos without realizing it.

Be spontaneous. This week I attended an impromptu lunch with a co worker; I met new people and got a couple of hours of laughing my ass off.

Get outside more. The snow and cold has been an added downer for me over the last few weeks, so I am looking forward to the possibility of nice weather and sunshine this weekend. You never know how much good you can get from one long walk, unless you take one. It’s amazing, it truly is.

Do what makes you happy. Oddly enough, it's the only way to be happy.

I think that's enough philosophical ranting for one day. So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to walk out to the warehouse and chuckle at our engineer.